new winds are blowin thru my life!

I woke up this morning && had to make a tough decision for me.. I decided to stay in the hospital && work on continuing to get better. so its a good thing, but hard nonetheless. I've never had reservations about going home before. yes, theres been times where I lied about how I felt just so I could go home. but I cannot afford to do that anymore. I had to be honest w myself && I was honestly scared. this morning I could just see new smoke over the hills && my mom told me that there was a new fire in idaho. yay.

this visit has been, without a doubt, the roughest for me. && that doesnt include my ICU stint, of course. things just keep piling on && not really getting better. I mean my lungs arent inflamed anymore (thanks to steroids), but they're still not as clear as they could be after being on IVs. my "tune-ups" just do not work like they used to.. && that scares me.

so glad I'm off steroids though.. I know they serve a purpose, but I dont particularly like them. they made me feel absolutely miserable the first few days && made my bloodsugars so high that I couldnt even eat. I ended em the other day && all of my insulin regimens are back to normal. bigger doses of insulin make me nervous && I never trust em....

omg! so I had to get reaccessed tonight && the guys hand freakin slipped && it yanked the needle out all wrong, sending me to a breakdown. I mean obviously he didnt mean to, but I requested someone else to finish the job. I was so pissed&&hurt.

I'm waiting on an RT to start my night treatment. && for my mama to get off work.
 
good wishes. good vibes. good thoughts. && so it is.
xx

3weeks behind!

alright hey all! so I know I am about 3weeks behind on blogging.. our wifi went down && I had no internet. buttt I just got admitted into the hospital (for an unexpected "tune-up") && have internet again, yayy! only thing I was looking forward to. that && feelings better, of course ;)

so the jist on the admission is that there has been a lot of smoke in the air lately, due to fires. && now the farmers in hayden are burning their fields. real cool. I honestly want to sue everytime it happens, because how can that be leagl w other people out there having lung conditions? I remember back in 2005, we got a settlement from doing such things, && it wasnt even worth it! it didnt change anything && the amount was bullshit.

speaking of the hospital.. I'm in this really weird room this time. its away from the front desk, which I like, but I guess the nurse said its a 'no pressure' room? so theres a window on the door, boo. && a weird thing in the window, blocking about 1/3 of it, for reasons that go w the 'no pressure' thangg. but  I mean, we all cant have everything perfect everytime right? then life would be a bore!

....

I just went down to get an xray done of my chest && now I'm just waiting on someone to come access my port. I wish I could've gotten a meal pass goin so I could have run down there real quick while I'm waiting. but I know that I basically have to order my first night in. I get so used to it up here sometimes, that I actually forget how hectic it can be out there for the nurses. I mean, my admit was just as much as a surprise to them as it was to me....


so since I havent been able to blog, I also havent been able to update y'all about my pre-testing for transplant listing! well I've hit a couple snags w it, what of course, && am actually just waiting for some dates to come&&go. I just recently found out that my insurance doesnt cover dental, something that I've never once had to deal w before, && so I have to find a low-priced dentist soon. I also needed to find a primary care dr because they have to send over the referrals for my echocardiogram && right-side of the heart pressure tests.. rather than my clinic doing so. so I found one, but my appt isnt until sept 26th! I also need to finish my pap-smear that I could only do half of, but I'm waiting on a couple of other things for that too.. && on top of all that! my car broke down about a week ago or so && even if I had appts coming up, would have to find rides for.
oh && I also sorta moved across town, soo thats been hectic as well. I now live in a household of 8 :)


also! I'm doing a #CFslideshowproject && would love for any cysters//fibros that I can get to join me! what it is, is its basically like any other CFslideshow you've seen.. but I want to make it more personal. I'm gathering info from those who I've actually talked to, been talking to, or those who want to talk more. so if any CF'rs wanna be apart of it or just know more, email me at: natalie.plhf@gmail.com 

 

( you want this life? then fight like hell for it! )