change is a comin....

..I can feel it. && its very plural: health. life. company.


health
dont know how many times I've said it already, but I am without a doubt the most lazy && inactive CF'r. && I know it needs to change. right meow. I already have my alarm to go off in exactly 9hrs from now && am starting off w getting up earlier than the ush. every day. doesnt matter what I have planned for the day, its happening.
one thing that is really motivating me for this decision, aside from health, is that I missed my niece's first graduation ever from pre-school this morning. because I was sleeping. I had no idea && slept thru the txt that was supposed to alert me about it. it broke my heart.

life
as stated before, I am very lazy. && I just need to stop that, plain&&simple! basically all I do is sit around on my laptop.. && I know its no good. I've been meaning to go for walks daily && I was doing okay for a bit right when I got out, but of course theres this gap of time right when I get discharged where I think I'm just invincible. of course thats also when I'm at my best, health-wise, so I feel awesome. but I know I need to kick my butt into gear always. && not let it catch up w me && take control. I will not let it get the very best of me. I will fight. I will live.

company
I've let a few things get out of hand when it comes to the company I keep. whether it be friends or family && in this case, its both. pretty much all of my life I've felt that most of my relationships w people have been one-sided. I give && I give && dont ever feel like I get the same in return (other than Michael♥ of course). so lately I've been speaking up for myself && showing my true feelings about the situation. I honestly dont think most people in my life really grasp the very scary reality of my life. yeah they know what it does to me && what it can do to me, but they also dont consider how close to death I really was back in january w my whole ICU scare.. since then I've taken my CF very serisously && am more sensitive to life.

about a week ago I helped my mom raise money for the CFF (Cystic Fibrosis Foundation) via Great Strides. we set up a booth outside of her work && raised almost $300! it was great, yet unsatisfying at the same time.. because most of the people who donated only walked up, put money in the cup, && walked off without a word. it really blew my mind that people would donate their own money to something they knew nothing about or didnt care to. ever since I've been open about my CF, I've loved explaining it to anyone who asked. but I only got to do that a few times w this fundraising tactic. I did, however, meet one cool dude who walked up && said "oh CF? yeah I think you're one of my patients." meaning he was the office manager of not only my CF clinic, but also at my diabetes dr's office, && my 3rd dr's office who handles all of my anxiety/panic attack issues. it was really interesting to pick his mind on the disease. he had nothing but words of encouragement && hope.

good thoughts. good wishes. good vibes. && so it is.

xx