....but ii cant && wont tell! ..yet ;)
soo. apart from my new style of typing, i'm pushing myself to do more treatments during the day. which is new for me. shouldnt be, sad ii know, but it is. deal w it :)
anyways, i'm trying for 3x a day. vest + cayston 3x a day, that is. pulmozyme once still (even though my dr said it can be done twice .. ii would be ordering it all the damn time if ii did that). && hts twice still. i'm hoping that it will increase my lung function to a number that will be "comfortable" enough for me on a daily basis. i'm so uncomfortable right now && all i'm doing is sitting here. typing.
ii did just attempt to tidy up my room, however. it really raised my heart rate && ii barely did much. picked up trash, rearranged some stuff, rearranged kitty's food/water, put clothes away, etc.
cant wait for our change....
the past 48hrs i've required oxygen pretty much the whole time. && ii really dont mind it. kinda wish ii was allowed to use it 24/7. def would make my life just a smidgen easier. but.. i'm not there. YET. however, since ii used it for quite awhile, it has helped. ii feel much better. i'm more positive, new outlook on this thing, feel like ii can breathe better (that may also be because i'm finally allowed breathing treatments .. H0SPITAL F00LS). the whole 2weeks ii was in, my dr wouldnt give me my breathing treatments. who does that?! he's really pissing me off lately. no way am ii letting that happen again! cuz it feels like those 4antibiotics didnt do a damn thing for me. not without any breathing treatments. idk how he could be so irresponsible.
so i've started something today. on tumblr, insta, && twitta! its called the ddlovato project && ii edited all of the pics && thought of all of the quotes. ii got the idea just from following +Demi Lovato's life w battling self-image issues/cutting patterns. she's so strong && i'm obsessed w her! i'll post the pic ii posted earlier:
soo lastnight michael took me on a date night && we went out to see TH0R2! it was UHmazing!!!! he's just so hawt. && then we ate at red robin :) it felt so nice to just have a legal beer w dinner. yumm.
NetFlix recommendations: one tree hill
good wishes. good vibes. good thoughts. && so it is.
xx
oh hey, got some really basic news: missed thursdays blog AGAIN....
well I'm on my 3rd week straight of IV antibiotics && I'm not gonna sugar-coat this.. IT SUCKS. I had an appt w my CF dr last monday && the good news was that I gained weight (120lbs). bad news? he tacked on an extra week of IVs. the reason being: my breathing tests were basically the same as when I first got admitted, which is obviously not good, && that was after being on IVs for 2weeks like normal! I kind of expected it because I had missed a couple doses once I took it all home.. the schedule was way too early for me so I would sleep thru my alarms. I can literally sleep thru most anything. anyways, my whole schedule got really messed up && kept getting pushed back n back && now they're fine because they're more catered to my kind of sleep-schedule. this monday shall be the 3week mark && I'm reallllllly hoping to finally be done! showers are one of the hardest parts about being hooked up.. but not the hardest. the hardest is occasionally missing holidays && events (aka my nephews 1st birthday party today). I was so crushed that I broke down crying over my CF. I've never not hated my CF, but I absolutely loath it when it comes to things like this. I know that he's only a baben && wont even remember this party, but still.. it matters to me! && I was really looking forward to seeing all of my family too. I havent been able to see them lately && miss them a lot..
never had my port accessed for this long before soo its especially itchy && annoying right meow. I just wanna pull it out myself! but wont. doesnt help that my arms are extremely itchy all. the. time. && look like they have an allergic reaction going on, which they dont. its just that it started out as a couple little scratches from my kitty &&they got so itchy that I accidentally scratched em open whilst in the process of curing the itch && now its a never-ending cycle :(
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speaking of more rain for this parade, I think my arthritis is kicking in finally. whenever I bend down or squat, putting all my weight onto my knees, they hurt w extreme pain. the only thing I can think of is my arthritis. after I noticed that, I thought my wrists might have been starting up too (wrists, fingers, ankles, shoulders, && knees are the typical spots). but
I cant really rely on that because once I notice a little something,
then I think its happening everywhere. my brain is a very powerful
thangg for me && I have not found a way to even come close to
beating it. it likes to play many a games/tricks on me all day long....
speaking of which, I really need to see an eye dr! I've been seeing
things more often lately. like things in my peripherals that arent
there, or materials moving (when in reality they shouldnt be).
I have my first set of appts, towards getting listed, this week! 3 CTscans are set-up for the 24th && the dreaded pap-smear on the 25th. weee.
SO I initially started this blog entry around 10pm-ish saturday night && it is now 5am sunday morning. got distracted w dinner, baked cupcakes, && spent some quality time w the boyf. he works soo much that we hardly get to see eachother really. makes me sad.. but I know he works so hard to support us. && for that, I am grateful! well I can start to feel my sleep-aid kicking in finally so I will bid thee adieu.
good wishes. good vibes. good thoughts. && so it is.
xx
