remember me?

for those of you who have read my blog before, or for who read it regularly (thankyou, btw), I am no longer sticking to the 'blogging every thursday' criteria. as you know, I've been getting bad w sticking to that due to me just plain forgetting.. so I will still update regularly, just not every thursday. && not even a specific day of the week anymore, just whenever my flittering heart feels the urge :)

what I've been up to....
-- got out of the hospital w only 1week of antibiotics under my belt
-- I have my primary care dr appt in 3days
-- finished my pap-smear
-- been doing okay on my new med doses (anxiety)
-- working on getting my bloodsugars down into the 100s && keeping them there
-- making myself eat

&& most importantly..

-- been allowing myself to leave my house for a couple hrs at a time && get out into the world again without a freakout!


• ..whats weird about my bloodsugars is that when they're like 200s/300 I feel sound. but when they drop into the 100s, I feel heavy&&shaky.. •

( Khaleesi, my faav! )

OMG. ohk so I've really been getting into Game of Thrones! I finally broke down && gave it a try since everyone else wouldnt stop raving about it. atleast I didnt start w anyone else ;) but anyways, I ended up downloading all 3seasons right away && I'm almost already thru w the first season. they're really short seasons btw, 10eps? really? are you serious?





my kitty has been acting really stubborn lately. my boyf thinks its because she's always trapped in our room && that she wants to venture out. but whenever I leave the door open, she just walks by it. she doesnt want to leave. even if she did, she cant go into the other bedroom (not allowed) && she's too scared to go downstairs so there's literally no where else for her to go. unless she just chills on the stairs, which she's done before. so she's been mad at me cuz I've been getting after her for splashing her water out of her bowl EVERYWHERE ELSE. this is 3x now here && at our old place, she used to just dig the water out w her paw onto the carpet. she acts out && we dont know why. well.. she did stop doing the digging of the water when she was accidentally let outside once. she got a taste && loved it. but I dont want her going outside til we atleast own her for a yr or so. so there's no confusion, of course.

oo! CF'rs, if havent already seen the 65_RedRoses documentary, its finalllly on NetFlix!

↓ check ittt ↓

quick confession: I dig +Miley Cyrus again.... kbye!

good wishes. good vibes. good thoughts. && so it is.
xx

happy valentines.

( happy valentines from me && my loves ♡ )

first of all: happy valentines && secondly: w all of the business && craziness today, I almost forgot to blog!

ohk, so no "holiday" goes by w-out some mishaps.... things in general just kept breaking, or spilling, or getting ruined. it truly was not our day! but even though we had some bumps along the way today, overall I wouldnt want to spend it w anyone else. I love you, babe :)





 


we recently spoiled our Ashkitty w a 3tier cat post - twas only $40 @ walmart! I call it his little castle. he loves it && can lurk on us from above all he wants ;)
it may seem weird, but having a kitty has really helped me. I've had pets before, but never fully felt mine. they always got taken/given away. but w this kitty, its almost like a therapeutic thangg. he helps keep me calm && the cat hair doesnt even bother me like other ppls animals seem to. if I'm at someones house too long, their animals hair (or something) gets to me. idk why..

so all day long I've been having these little headaches. && they've made me paranoid about my co2 levels. I havent had a serious headache since the hospital && thats when my co2 levels were crazy high, giving me migraines rather. so I'm thinking tomorrow I'm gonna call my dr && just let him know how I'm feeling && to get some peace of mind. I know its most likely all in my head, but its better to be cautious than not care about myself at all right?

alright so a little bit of heavy: I'm a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason," so my mind keeps coming back to something lately.. I was meant to have CF. but why? I really dont understand why certain ppl were meant to be born w things they have noo control over. its not like I smoked && gave myself crappy lungs. no, I was born w crappy lungs. && in NO way do I blame my parents for this, but its not my fault either. so why me? yes, its made me a lot stronger than an average 20yr old should have to be. && yes, it makes me appreciate everything && take nothing/no one for granted. so for those key things, I'm warm to the idea of having it. but on most days.. it just plain sucks! && I'll admit there have been times where I just wanna quit all my meds && just give up. but thats not me. && never will be. I was born a fighter && will continue to fight for my very last breath. but there is no way that this disease defines me, nor gives me an expiration date. I have never once believed in that. yeah it affects us all differently, but its not a given loss. we can do everything in our power && still not have the outcome we dreamed of, but its never a loss. the only way to lose to CF, would be to give up. && us CF'rs are not quitters! we're one of the strongest ppl you will ever meet. && I'm meeting more&&more everyday. && I love it :)

xx