tgif!

bollocks.. I hate when I forget to post :(

I went to the beach yesterday for the first time this year w my sister&&niece. it was so much fun! but I got a tad burnt.. oh wellll, let the tanning begin ;)

so in my last post I said that I felt like it was borderline hospital time, but I have really bounced back since then. I was actually wheezing then, which I've barely ever done. so I've added hts&&cayston to the mix && finally got my pulmozyme. so I'm doing cayston 3x a day, hts 2x a day, vest 2x a day && pulmozyme at night.. cant even recall the last time I had this many treatments in 1day (at home, that is)!
I'm actually doing my morning treatment right meow, good reminder ;)

I'm trying to stay out of the hospital til July, which is actually my 3month mark anyways, but the main reason why I'm working so hard is because at the end of August (along w my 21st) is the +Taylor Swift concert w my sister - RED TOUR holla! so so excited :)

ohk so my walk for Great Strides was on June 1st && I was so bummed because I really wanted to do the walk this year. I've never done it, as to stay away from other CF'rs, but online all I see is fellow cysters&&fibros able to do the walk w masks && colorful bracelets letting everyone know they have CF && to stay away from other CF'rs.. so I have no clue why no one has said whether I can or cant. so I was just gonna do it anyways, then I forgot about it :( I mainly forgot because it was also my 1yr anniversary w my boyfriend, Michael. we havent gotten to celebrate yet, but still..
anyways, this was my favorite picture from the event →

we also got a sign w my name on it because one of my donors donated $500! it was so awesome :)

alright so +Demi Lovato is one of my favorite artists. her voice is the most powerful&&talented of any other disney starlet, without a doubt.
 && if you havent already, check out her new album DEMI. its UHmazing!

my favorites are:

• Heart Attack
• Something That We're Not
• Nightingale
• Really Dont Care
• Without the Love

good thoughts. good wishes. good vibes. && so it is.
xx 
   

ch ch ch changes.

well, I havent made many changes from my last post.. except for the company notion. I've started speaking up for myself when it comes to my loneliness. && I've been making more plans w more friends. I never thought I'd be one of those girls who isolates herself w her boyfriend, but things happen. && me n michael have discussed it && its true, I need more ladyfriends in my life && should get out there more. I've always kept myself in this shell of mine && stayed at home. did in middle school. did in high school. && even now, still doing it. I had a brief moment when all of my group of regular friends were all still living nearby that we'd hangout every single night && go out n do stuff. but that was very brief && I miss it.... I have however reconnected w my friend J Bish ↑ && I'm excited to let that friendship blossom :)


even though I rarely skip treatments anymore, I've tried to honor a pact w my cyster April. the pact is to send a pic to eachother everynight of us doing our treatments. keeps us honest && on schedule! I got the idea from a fellow fibro on fb. it sounded like such a good idea, but I didnt want to post it online evernight + ever since I "tried" taking a hiatus from fb, I wouldnt always have access to it. my lil hiatus didnt work && didnt even last a week. really pathetic, but I tried.. kind of.
I'm just so sick of that being thee way to look into someones life. its okay for family/friends out of town, but for the ones who are right here its aggravating. I dont post nearly as much as I used to. I dont really see the point. plus I'm mostly on twitter or instagram. && it doesnt matter how much you post there, l0l.

 I'm kind of feeling like its borderline hospital time. I ran out of pulmozyme today && I always do this.. I just reordered it today. so it wont even be here til tuesday :(
I'm starting cayston early, as in tomorrow, to try to pick up the slack. I hate when I do this but I'm just so bad at getting things done. && I hate doing em too. I know something needs to get done && I want to stay on top of things, but I just dont. its so frustrating to my core.

so I'm blogging right && kitty just comes up && plops down where ever she feels like, which in this case was my left arm. whilst typing. she's so cute. && becoming a mamas girl.. shh ;)


 




so I'm gonna leave you w a fact:

which is totally totally true.
I dont care what anyone else has to say on the matter! :)








 


good thoughts. good wishes. good vibes. && so it is.
xx

change is a comin....

..I can feel it. && its very plural: health. life. company.


health
dont know how many times I've said it already, but I am without a doubt the most lazy && inactive CF'r. && I know it needs to change. right meow. I already have my alarm to go off in exactly 9hrs from now && am starting off w getting up earlier than the ush. every day. doesnt matter what I have planned for the day, its happening.
one thing that is really motivating me for this decision, aside from health, is that I missed my niece's first graduation ever from pre-school this morning. because I was sleeping. I had no idea && slept thru the txt that was supposed to alert me about it. it broke my heart.

life
as stated before, I am very lazy. && I just need to stop that, plain&&simple! basically all I do is sit around on my laptop.. && I know its no good. I've been meaning to go for walks daily && I was doing okay for a bit right when I got out, but of course theres this gap of time right when I get discharged where I think I'm just invincible. of course thats also when I'm at my best, health-wise, so I feel awesome. but I know I need to kick my butt into gear always. && not let it catch up w me && take control. I will not let it get the very best of me. I will fight. I will live.

company
I've let a few things get out of hand when it comes to the company I keep. whether it be friends or family && in this case, its both. pretty much all of my life I've felt that most of my relationships w people have been one-sided. I give && I give && dont ever feel like I get the same in return (other than Michael♥ of course). so lately I've been speaking up for myself && showing my true feelings about the situation. I honestly dont think most people in my life really grasp the very scary reality of my life. yeah they know what it does to me && what it can do to me, but they also dont consider how close to death I really was back in january w my whole ICU scare.. since then I've taken my CF very serisously && am more sensitive to life.

about a week ago I helped my mom raise money for the CFF (Cystic Fibrosis Foundation) via Great Strides. we set up a booth outside of her work && raised almost $300! it was great, yet unsatisfying at the same time.. because most of the people who donated only walked up, put money in the cup, && walked off without a word. it really blew my mind that people would donate their own money to something they knew nothing about or didnt care to. ever since I've been open about my CF, I've loved explaining it to anyone who asked. but I only got to do that a few times w this fundraising tactic. I did, however, meet one cool dude who walked up && said "oh CF? yeah I think you're one of my patients." meaning he was the office manager of not only my CF clinic, but also at my diabetes dr's office, && my 3rd dr's office who handles all of my anxiety/panic attack issues. it was really interesting to pick his mind on the disease. he had nothing but words of encouragement && hope.

good thoughts. good wishes. good vibes. && so it is.

xx