finally out of the hospital !!

hey y'all!

( upper right side of my chest )

so for my 3rd installment of my blog, I'm gonna talk about getting out of the hospital :) I got out exactly 1week ago && was in for a total of 3weeks. my longest stay thus far. but just before I got out, I got an access port placed in my chest. a couple of days ago I was able to take off the bandage && this is what it looks like now....

its healing && I'm getting used to it slowly, but its quite a change for me.. I used to be against this sorta thing because I never wanted something just staying in me for long periods of time. but in the CF world, we literally will do anything to save our lives :)

so w this port, I have to go to this place to get it flushed once a month. to avoid clotting n such. each time before I go in, I have to put on some numbing cream directly onto the site. because to flush it, they have to stick a needle into my skin to the port to access it. they told me that over time I'll develop scar tissue && wont feel the needle eventually. to be honest, I'm worried about the first time they do this. not because of the pain, thats second nature to me by now. but because it hasnt even been accessed yet && I'm sure it'll work fine, but theres still that worry of it not working.

it doesnt necessarily hurt anymore, I feel it less && less each day, but when I take a deep breath in or cough I feel this little tug almost. its not a worrisome experience, just getting used to it. I'm always afraid that the littlest movement will cause it to come loose or make my heart flutter like they warned me about. last night I thought I had some food poisoning from taco bell && threw up just a little, from which I was terrified of. luckily nothing bad came from it && it turns out I didnt have food poisoning. just another "its all in my head" situations. I have those a lot....

soo the day I got home from the hospital, my boyfriend had an awesome surprise for me.. he knew I'd been wanting to learn guitar for awhile now so he got me one!!
I'm so excited to learn! we still have to get strings for it, but oh well. just having it makes me happy. when I was little it was my dream to become a singer. but you need talent for that ;) I've heard of CF'rs who sing, which is amazing to me. but just learning to play would be enough :) for those of you who havent heard of them yet, check out the Furches twins! they're a pair of twins w CF who sing! here are their links: https://www.facebook.com/pages/FurchesTwins/231563516932721?ref=ts&fref=ts, https://twitter.com/gwynnefurches, https://twitter.com/JessalovesMJ, instagram.com/furchestwins, http://www.youtube.com/user/FurchesTwins.

as I mentioned in my first post, I was diagnosed at 10yrs old. so for the past 10yrs pretty much, I'd been fairly closed off about talking about my CF. of course my family knew. && close friends. && if anyone asked about details, I would tell em. but no one knew the depth. but at the beginning of this month, idk what happened, but I decided to become more open about it. I started this blog, discovered a couple social networking sites ( cysticlife.org && cysticfibrosisconnect.com ), && in the past couple of days alone I've made 50+ friends w CF on facebook! talking/comparing w others w CF about CF has really helped && I know it'll help a lot in the long run. I even find myself excited for thursdays just so I can blog about my life! :)

xx

" beauty is how you feel inside.
&& it reflects in your eyes.
it is not something physical "
♥