Thursday, April 18, 2013

I. do not. understand. ppl.

ALRIGHT. so lately there has been a theme in my life: morose. the only reason why it doesnt worry me is because I'm aware of it && am trying to identify its cause && therefor change it. I've just been so down these days && dont really know why. it usually only happens if I miss enough doses of my anti-depressants, but I've been taking all of em! my mom thinks its just my cf getting to my spirit. which I can see that, but its not like anything major or even big happened to put me in this mood. other than the obvious, that is.

along w my mood, a lot of ppl have been acting the same around me: rude. not family. not close friends. but nurses, yes. RT's, yes. ppl online, yes. && I'm pretty much 1 more rude person away from blowing UP. back in highschool, or just my past really, I would've kept quiet && keep to myself. but I'm different now. I speak up for myself. I defend myself when need-be. && most importantly, I stand up for others.

focusing solely on the rude ppl online.. I've had instances lately where ppl have called me an idiot for just voicing my opinion, ppl going out of their way just to bash something that is very close to my heart && that they dont agree w, && the most recent case of someone pretending to have the same lung disease I have all for attention.
I just dont understand where ppls minds/thoughts are at! like really, what in their minds is telling them that its okay to do the things that they are doing? && what is their justification? absolutely ridiculous.


&& speaking of standing up for ppl.. there are 2 subjects that are very close to my heart: self harm && gay equality/rights. always have been. I am neither a self harmer nor gay. but I've always had a sentimental heart towards both. && in honor of both, when I get out of here I want to get 2 tattoos: ; (on my left wrist) = (inside the palm of my right hand between my index && middle fingers)

 
speaking of getting outta here.. I am literally being kicked out of the hospital tomorrow, by my insurance. what is weird is that I was in for exactly 9days, just like last time. I guess I only get 9days in the hospital instead of 14 like usual. anyways, I'll have to finish my IV antibiotics at home. its so stupid because I only have 5days left! at least I'll be w my kitty && boyfriend again. I've missed them both so much :(




onto some GOOD NEWS! I have been contacted by the University of Washington's pre lung transplant team :) we've been playing some phone tag, but still. it makes this so real && scary. but I know it'll be worth it in the long run.

 
I've also been helping my mom, w her fundraising this yr, for my walk team "Natalie's Hope" via Great Strides. the most recent work I've done is a flyer.
my next project is to make infinity scarves && sell em on Etsy or wherever. I have the technique down, just gotta find the motivation to finish ;)
I also want to look into making wristbands (like the I boobies/livestrong ones). so if anyone has any helpful info on those, I would really appreciate it!





good thoughts. good vibes. good wishes. && so it is.
xx

2 comments:

  1. Natalie,
    Our family is working on something amazing to help you raise the funds to get your lung transplant. Details to come.
    -The Tate Family

    ReplyDelete