Thursday, February 14, 2013

happy valentines.

( happy valentines from me && my loves )

first of all: happy valentines && secondly: w all of the business && craziness today, I almost forgot to blog!

ohk, so no "holiday" goes by w-out some mishaps.... things in general just kept breaking, or spilling, or getting ruined. it truly was not our day! but even though we had some bumps along the way today, overall I wouldnt want to spend it w anyone else. I love you, babe :)


we recently spoiled our Ashkitty w a 3tier cat post - twas only $40 @ walmart! I call it his little castle. he loves it && can lurk on us from above all he wants ;)
it may seem weird, but having a kitty has really helped me. I've had pets before, but never fully felt mine. they always got taken/given away. but w this kitty, its almost like a therapeutic thangg. he helps keep me calm && the cat hair doesnt even bother me like other ppls animals seem to. if I'm at someones house too long, their animals hair (or something) gets to me. idk why..

so all day long I've been having these little headaches. && they've made me paranoid about my co2 levels. I havent had a serious headache since the hospital && thats when my co2 levels were crazy high, giving me migraines rather. so I'm thinking tomorrow I'm gonna call my dr && just let him know how I'm feeling && to get some peace of mind. I know its most likely all in my head, but its better to be cautious than not care about myself at all right?

alright so a little bit of heavy: I'm a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason," so my mind keeps coming back to something lately.. I was meant to have CF. but why? I really dont understand why certain ppl were meant to be born w things they have noo control over. its not like I smoked && gave myself crappy lungs. no, I was born w crappy lungs. && in NO way do I blame my parents for this, but its not my fault either. so why me? yes, its made me a lot stronger than an average 20yr old should have to be. && yes, it makes me appreciate everything && take nothing/no one for granted. so for those key things, I'm warm to the idea of having it. but on most days.. it just plain sucks! && I'll admit there have been times where I just wanna quit all my meds && just give up. but thats not me. && never will be. I was born a fighter && will continue to fight for my very last breath. but there is no way that this disease defines me, nor gives me an expiration date. I have never once believed in that. yeah it affects us all differently, but its not a given loss. we can do everything in our power && still not have the outcome we dreamed of, but its never a loss. the only way to lose to CF, would be to give up. && us CF'rs are not quitters! we're one of the strongest ppl you will ever meet. && I'm meeting more&&more everyday. && I love it :)


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